Guest Post By Courtney Cummings
Vampires have been the recent craze of this generation. Everywhere you look, you get a good taste of an overly romanticized monster that looks like he’s drinking more muscle milk than blood. Young tweens have been caught in this trance through Hollywood’s dramas such as Twilight, Vampire Diaries and True Blood. The list goes on, but I sure hope that this fascination wears off before the Zombies get too irritated.
Though our society tends to be filled with an endless amount of lifeless bloodsuckers, the majority of people everywhere act more like zombies. Firstly, when walking around you don’t usually see people with super speed or strength gliding through the air – even if they have had their morning coffee. When Monday morning rolls around, the zombie in everyone is extremely apparent. You pull yourself out of bed and mindlessly walk from one place to the next only to stop for food, the basic necessity. You cannot really speak to others like a functioning human. You have no intention to attack others, but you could really care less about recognizing their existence.
Ever noticed how every zombie looks pretty similar? Every classic film or publication features a lifeless individual with sunken eyes, a glazed over demeanor, the same clothes and an aggravated look on their face. Sounds like corporate America to me. Everyone has the same baggy suit that was handed down from their father. They go to work in identical cubes with an undeserving salary. Their only desire is self-survival. I don’t see vampires going to work or even doing anything besides hunting pray that doesn’t stand a chance. At least when zombies attack they move slowly.
Vampires also do not sleep or eat. They defy all odds but can’t even step into the daylight. Well for some of us, waking up before 1pm is difficult – but not impossible. Americans, especially, have an obsession with food and sleep that cannot be denied. You are diagnosed as mentally ill if you fail to do either of those functions properly. Hello folks, we are not vampires. Zombies too have this uncanny ability to navigate through life with only one care in the world, eating. Most humans are terrorized by blood; some even pass out at the mere sight.
Don’t even get me started on the musical tastes of today’s youth. Vampires are often portrayed as these classical characters that have refined their artistic palette throughout the infinite years of their existence. Zombies, like humans, aren’t that cultured. Many people are completely oblivious to the fine arts that are in the present, past and future as well. Even look at the music kids are listening to these days. They blast dubstep and electronic music that can only be danceable if you do “the zombie”. Flailing your arms and bobbing your head have become extremely popular when hitting the dance floor.
So get over your crush on Edward Cullen and focus on reality. The zombie apocalypse is on its way, and you should recognize your roots before it’s too late. You wouldn’t want them to show up and see you fanaticizing about being bit on the neck by their enemy. Jump on this band wagon before they are headed for you. They could be closer than you think.